You can get everything you want in life by helping other people get what they want. - Zig Ziglar

My dad once observed that Everyone’s problems are significant to themselves. He was just making a passing comment with an off-the-cuff remark, but, like a lot of things that my dad has imparted over the years, this insight has stayed with me and I often marvel at its significance.

The problems and challenges which weigh heavily on your shoulders may often seem trite and insignificant to other people, perhaps because they can’t relate to where we are or they don’t really care where we are or maybe they’ve just got enough problems of their own. And sometimes we’re happy to reciprocate with a shallow appreciation of their problems because deep down, we judge, by quick comparison, that our problems are far greater than theirs.

But the truth is this, is it not? Everyone’s problems - small or large- are significant to themselves: We’ve all experienced a speck of dust in the eye. Big problems can come in small shapes and sizes. How often have you met someone, asked how they were doing and then stood for half an hour listening to their lament while simultaneously pondering on the fact that you have enough problems of your own to contend with.

We wouldn’t be people if we didn’t have problems. Everyone has problems. Yes, even Life Coaches! And it would be quite misleading of me to give you the impression through these articles that I have no problems or challenges in my own life: that would be a total fabrication and I would be misleading myself never mind anyone else: The grey hairs are coming thin and fast, I can eat my way through a tub of chips just like the next guy, my nose has always been a little too big….. and that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

But, hey, less of my problems before your eyes glaze over. We’re looking for solutions here and as you’ve just witnessed - it’s good to talk. It’s good to share problems. A problem shared is a problem halved…. or so they say. And that might not be far away from reality because it is when we share our problems, our fears or our dreams with someone else that we sometimes find the answers. Especially when that someone is on the outside looking in and is objectively detached from our dreams and dilemmas; Someone whose opinion can be trusted; Someone who speaks from the heart and mind and is not swayed by self-indulgence. These, I feel, are the people, who make the best coaches, the best mentors and they may not even know it.

You don’t have to call yourself a coach to be one. You can lighten someone’s load by listening to their problem no matter how insignificant you might think it is. It might be an old man down the street or a woman outside the supermarket with four bags in her trolley and one under each eye.

You might not feel that you have much to offer them and your mind might be reeling on other things but sometimes…. just sometimes, it is your passing comment, your flippant observation, your off-the-cuff remark, as the outsider, looking in, that leaves an indelible impression on the mind and may even change the events of that person’s day or greater still, the course of their life.

We may be inclined to belittle other people’s problems in the face of our own but everyone’s problems are significant to themselves. And, with that in mind, here’s another passing comment that my dad often makes: ‘We wouldn’t like other people’s problems.’

Thomas Chalmers is an executive coach based in Scotland. He works with executives, politicians, and entrepreneurs. http://www.idealifeinternational.com

Michael Imani, Ph.D. is a mind/body expert who works with clients weight and life management. http://www.michaelimanicoaching.com

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